The world can be a dark place – spirit warriors know this all too well. We have experienced things that have wounded us and sometimes left us closed off. When we try to navigate everything alone, letting our feelings and thoughts rattle around inside of us, we are creating more of the darkness that troubles us. Not that darkness is all bad. It can be beautiful. Powerful. Just like light, it is essential. But it can also consume us if we let it. When this happens, we can’t see anything, even if it is right before our eyes.
It’s not just the darkness out there that can be too much to handle. The internal stuff haunts us just as much, if not worse—this is my focus today. Guilt. Anger. Judgement. Depression. Horrible memories. These are just a few of the things that tend to keep us suffering in the dark. Thoughts like, I could be a better spouse, neighbor, or friend, run through everyone’s head sometimes. We can be unnecessarily hard on ourselves just because of our thoughts. How many of us can honestly say we haven’t had the fleeting thought that we wished someone would drop dead? That we wish we would die in our sleep? That the world would be better off without us? That the terrible things that have happened to us define us? Do those kinds of thoughts disturb you? Do they make you believe that something is wrong with you? Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, but if you’re reading this, you’re human, and as a result, an imperfect, messy asshole.
It's magical when we stop fighting the darkness and embrace it, as we must embrace every part of ourselves. Understanding that our thoughts (and feelings) are not who we are, like so many Buddhist concepts, is another profound concept that has helped me in my journey. You are a soul. A soul in human form with thoughts and feelings. But even the darkest things that run through our overthinking, emotional selves can’t change our divine nature.
Although it might sound counter-intuitive, learning how to embrace our own inner darkness is an important step to happiness. When we think of happiness, we tend to think of sunshine and smiles and light, but don’t confuse happiness with joy. Joy is fleeting and can be gone in a moment. Happiness is when we learn to accept everything that comes with being human. Happiness is that lasting feeling of being content with the way things are --even if they aren’t perfect or how we imagined they would be.
I won’t claim that it’s easy to embrace our darkness. It’s fucking hard! We need to start by allowing ourselves to have thoughts and feelings, whether we like them or not. So what if they are dark? Don’t judge your thoughts and feelings. Observe them, let them have space, and maybe most importantly, learn from them. When we really spend some time dissecting things, we might just find the root. Are you down on yourself for being an impatient mom? Why are you impatient? Are you overwhelmed, lacking support, and exhausted? Think you are terrible for being an aloof friend? Why are you aloof? Are you afraid to be hurt again? When we can go beyond judging ourselves for having the thoughts and answer some of these questions, we can then focus on the actions we need to take to deal with the root. But that can come later. First, just sit with the discomfort of the darkness.
Finally, it’s important that we don’t forget to recognize the positive aspects of the darkness. Even guilt, anger, and judgment, if we examine them honestly, help us to grow—like plants in soil, much of our growth comes from those places. Where would we be without the positive things that darkness brings to our world? Our first home, our mother’s womb, sustains us until we are born. Every night is like a reset, reminding us that we can be done with this day and start again. That cycle is a gift. The darkness is an opportunity to arrive at a happier place. Like we say in the world of healing from trauma, “the only way out is through.”
~Peace and Love, Tracey
©Tracey Love, 2021. All rights reserved.
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