As I sit here, there are only six full days left to 2015, and I realize that it has been one of my best years. I find great joy from the lavender candle burning on my desk and the delicious blend of herbal tea that is especially strong on the licorice – both incredible thoughtful gifts from beloved members of my community. The quiet apartment I share with my wife feels more like home than many of the places that I have lived, and for that, I am grateful.
I’m taking three full days off from class. This term, I am taking a class in editing. Though we are given a week break, I am too passionate about my craft to stay away that long. I wanted to take the three days to focus on the quieter side of my spiritual journey. One that comes in the forms of self-care and my natural, free spirit more than schedules and assignment guidelines. Since I have been focusing my efforts on finding a greater sense of balance, I have found that this is the best way (for me) to “be” a writer – inviting structure on some days and just allowing my creativity to flow naturally on others.
Simply put, this year has been so wonderful because I have allowed myself to more fully grow into the soul I am. Don’t be fooled – this is seriously hard work. I faced a lot of my own pain, darkness, and imperfection this year, and I told others what I needed more often and I set limits. I challenged myself both personally and in my writing career. I spoke my voice more often and I opened myself up to connecting with my empathic gifts in a deeper way.
Sometimes, I get exhausted when I think of everything I still want to do in life. And I get scared too – scared that there is not enough time and scared that I might fail. But I don’t let the exhaustion and the fear rule me. Love rules me – that is precisely why I changed my last name to Love over 15 years ago. Only in the last couple of years have I come to grow into the meaning of the name that I instinctively knew I should bare back then. I’m also realizing that in the last few years it seems as if my own personal definition of success is accumulating at a more rapid rate with each passing full moon. So…why would I ever live from fear when I have so much more to look forward to? And why would I ever quit this journey I had begun when my passion fuels every day of work that I do? There are no good reasons that I can think of.
Since I have left, other attempted careers and come back to my passion, I have earned very little income. Though money has never been very important to me, let’s face it, it is still a realistic necessity to some degree. Luckily, I have a very supportive wife who supports my passion and all the steps that lead me to my goal of becoming a self-sufficient writer. So far, I have a couple of freelance jobs, and a very small contract position. I am just beginning the tenth class of my MA in English and Creative Writing with a concentration in Fiction, and beginning in March, I will be tackling another novel. I believe with all my soul that I just need to continue on the path of listening to myself, and that I will reach all of my goals. Today, as I reflect, I think success tastes like licorice tea.
~ Peace and Love, Tracey
© Tracey Love, 2015. All rights reserved.
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