What do you think of when you hear the word suffer/suffering? We often think of the context of someone who is living with a painful medical condition. When a loved one passes away after a long or painful illness, we almost always hear the same attempt to comfort the grieving, “at least s/he isn’t suffering anymore.” If you have seen a loved one in serious pain, as I have during my mother’s short time with cancer, you will likely agree, that the moment they leave their physical body is a relief to both of you. I can remember what a gift it was to witness the moment when the struggle against the pain left her face and was replaced by peace.
But there is so much more to suffering than experiencing pain. In the last year or so, our eighteen-year-old cat, Willow, has been living with kidney disease. Her journey is one of the things that have helped me understand suffering. Just a couple of weeks ago, after a vet visit, we believed it was time to choose in-home euthanasia for her. Severely underweight, chronically malnourished and dehydrated, we just wanted her to go before she suffered. Many of us have been through this battle with our animals; it is a heavy decision to know when it is time to release them. But after I really thought about it, I believe that although she might be somewhat uncomfortable (as just about anyone with a physical body has been at one time or another), that she is not suffering. Once I arrived at this, I knew it wasn’t time to help her go yet. In addition, I realized, that by fearing the possibility that she might suffer, I was suffering.
One of the profound things that occurred to me is how much more people seem to suffer than animals. With this in mind, I pondered what suffering really means. Like the word nerd I am, I consulted the online etymology (word origins/word meanings) dictionary and discovered some deep truths about the word. While one less common use of the word suffer, means “to punish” (They suffered the witch for her sins), the far more common derivations include meanings like, “to endure or allow” suggesting that rather than being punished by someone else, suffering is usually us punishing ourselves. I also found it especially interesting that one derivation means “to carry” and another means “resist.”
While seeing someone you love suffer in physical pain or suffering in physical pain yourself is, of course, awful, I firmly believe that the majority of people’s suffering is mental and emotional, so you might want to think of that as you read on.
Buddhism talks a lot about suffering; I’ve always found such wisdom in the Buddhist teachings. Basically, I would say it teaches us how to keep things simple rather than complicate everything with the ego that comes along with the human condition. If you think of it in that way, we have a lot more unlearning to do than learning. In most of the spiritual traditions I take wisdom from, namely, witchcraft and Native traditions, we are taught that, as part of spirit ourselves, we are never really learning anything for the first time; we are actually remembering what we already know in our infinite and divine wisdom. Buddhism teaches us how to unlearn so we can remember what we already know. So, what does Buddhism tell us about suffering?
Buddhism reminds us that suffering is both inevitable as part of the human condition, but to a degree, also a choice. We have the power to reduce suffering a great deal by working hard to control our thoughts and through the choices we make. Animals, of course, don’t understand concepts we can read from a book, but I do believe they inherently have this wisdom already – animals already know how to keep it simple.
If we look at some of the word origins I mentioned, specifically, those that focus on our role in our own suffering, we can ask ourselves some questions about how to reduce our suffering. “To endure, or allow,” “to carry,” “to resist.” What choices do we make that invite suffering? What do we allow in our lives that keeps us in that place of pain? If we are fighting a physical illness like cancer, that is a very different story; the choice to stay in your body another day is what is keeping you in pain, and thankfully, we have various treatments, and, in some cases, compassionate release to help these folks with that sort of pain. But, what about mental and emotional pain? How are we responsible for keeping ourselves in that? Sometimes we cling to the stories that tell us the world is an awful place instead of focusing on the good. We allow our thoughts to cause us pain. We might allow people to stay in our lives; we resist letting go. Maybe we endure the past as if it is taking place today or even sit in anxiety of what might come, again, as if it is happening today. Being present and accepting what is here today, reduces suffering.
None of this is intended to be blame – blame comes from judgment rather than love. I hope to offer ideas and tools to help folks reduce their own suffering. And trust me, I don’t have this mastered; I still experience mental and emotional suffering, but I am deeply committed to taking conscious action to changing whatever I can to reduce my that. I trust that I will make some headway in this as I work through heart chakra healing.
I believe that our cat, Willow, will communicate clearly when she wants to leave her body. Because animals do not resist like we tend to, she will not cling to a body that can no longer house her soul. All creatures have something to teach us, if we can learn how to “hear” them. Willow has taught me the difference between discomfort and suffering, and how to reduce my own suffering by living in the present.
We do not have to carry anything that is too heavy. If it weighs you down, let it go. When we can take an honest look at the role we play in our own suffering, we are reminded how powerful we are in creating our own reality.
~ Peace and Love, Tracey
©Tracey Love, 2023. All rights reserved.
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